Once Bitten, Twice Shy...

today is my first time i report for work, late, and being send home. the feeling is totally humiliating. it totally sucks.

my manager is being too paranoid, being in her 60s, i'll try to be more understanding. i am serious about this job, it just so happen that i got too many 'incidents' that clashes with my working days...

sucks.

the contract is 6months, i've got a feeling my days working there will end soon... after this 1st week of my sem 2, the amount of works i have to do is increasing. Portfolio is one of my major stress now. i need to come out with a proposal on what i will be focusing on, and submit to my supervisor on Mon to get his approval...

lots of planning, thinking, research to be done.

stress. stress. stress.

i just start working in my current working place not long ago. i don't want to give a feeling that i'm not serious about it. i try not to reject my manager too much if she ask me to replace anyone, because i need to show her that i am interested in working. i try not to change my working dates with her, unless under some circumstances- crop up in school or something...

the first time i told her i couldn't make it for work was because of a friend birthday. i struggled to tell her that, this is something i felt is too personal, work to me, comes first. furthermore like i said, i just start working. but she excused me...

the second time was yesterday i had to meet with my supervisor to discuss on my portfolio. i called my manager and told her i'll be late for work. in the end, she ask me not to turned up for work because it was pointless by the time i reached there.

and today, i was late. before that i had lunch with my cell group and came down from there. according to her, i'm late for an hour. she lectured me and send me home to repent if i'm serious about this job. she spoon on the past 2 issues where i couldn't make it for work. i was really disappointed...

i really don't know what to do now. i need more time for my school, but this month i am schedule to work almost 4/5 days in a week. i can't find replacement, i can't tell my manager. she will think that i-am-not-serious again! argggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i feel physically and mentally weak right now. is like taking things one step at a time, and see what will happen next. now, i am standing at the edge. i just need one more 'incident' that i can't make it for work, and down the cliff i fly.