i'm back

just came back from Swing for Charity dinner. met up with a group i haven't seen for a long long while. after the dinner this sudden loneliness hit me as we depart. i just feel like a bastard. on the usual days, i don't talk/chat/ meet up with them or what so ever. then because of today of the FOC dinner and i was invited then i went for it.

when i was on my way therer, i was really looking forward to meet the group because i really haven't seen them for so long. during and throughout the dinner, i couldn't help but feel awkward.

then, i wish i hadn't went.

i don't know how or where to start a conversation... this always happen when i am with them. just.... awkward. like the level of their understanding and my mine is so different. they seems to know so much that make me feel shallow.

i reflect on my walk with God, i know i have back slided. in the past when i was walking close with God, on the days when i feel 'low', no matter how 'low' i felt i know there is someone i can fall back on. But now, i just  feel like a dog chasing my tail in circle....