Perfectionist

talking to a Perfectionist always make me feel guilty, intimidated, low, self conscious to sum up, they make me feel like i've been wasting my 19years away.

i was never whole heartedly devoted in doing something or making any matter in my life- Perfect. i always swim around the border line, not the worse and the not the best. i always fall under the average group.

at this age, i am just beginning to ponder more about what is going to be ahead of me. scary.

'yea, nobody knows the answer except God'

graduation is not far away anymore. i am one step behind to the working world, one step towards my possible career. this matter of fact scare me a lot inside. i am uncertain where i can head to... i stare at my pathetic few pieces of art works in front of me... not up to standard.

i hate talking to a Beautician because they make me feel really inferior and also because i know how many grains and peas are congesting my pores- that's why i'm manufacture popcorns. tsk. in fact i don't want this vegetarian prata complexion EITHER!

i hate talking to a body perfectionist, no i don't even want to talk to them i don't want to stand near them at all!. this is obvious- because i'll feel like a lump of fats beside them. whenever i wear shorts, i just wish i hadn't because all i have to flash is my cellulites. then what the hell was i thinking then when i choose that outfit for the day?


i try to make changes right now to the way i am leading my laid back life. is like i either be the best or nothing. i don't want to be just Olivia, i want to be OLIVIA. 


you know what i mean. 
yes you do. 
yes i do.